It’s the middle of Winter, but Spring is in the air. For the first time in a long, long time, I feel the urge to mate.
Have I ever described my dating technique? It’s direct and honest.
Stage one: I identify my prey. Stage two: I stalk my prey and circle it, drawing ever-closer. Stage three: I baff it over the head with a Big Club. Stage four: I wind my fingers through its hair and drag it off to my cave. Stage five: I cook it.
Oops, no, Stage five: I cook for it – we’re civilised, now!
Yesterday, I identified a couple of one of my prey-species grazing where I was grazing, and threw them a sidelong glance, deciding against an attack. Today as I was grazing with two of a non-prey-species (friends), a Preferred Prey Species walked past, all unawares of the danger she was in.
Stage one was complete. I rummaged around in my bag for a business card, and with that stage two swung into action. She was browsing at a nearby market stall, so I engaged her in conversation, and we swapped business cards.
Stage three, the baffing with the Big Club, will happen some time soon. It will probably take the form of a mid-week phone call. I have to admit that phone calls to me tend to be painful – for people who haven’t built up immunity to me yet.
Stage four will depend on the success of stage three. I may well invite her out. This will be my winding my fingers through her lovely hair and dragging her off. When she is trying to recover from my charm, she may be distracted enough not to mind what I choose to feed her with. If so, stage five swings into action, and I’ll have achieved my goal.
Spring must be in the air. The rain stopped – briefly – and as soon as it did, instead of being a good mother and doing laundry I was out meeting new people. Quite an uncharacteristic thing for someone who loves the inside of their own head and the inside of their own home.
Perhaps I’ll come to my senses again and resume living like a hermit – but hey! This is fun !